NORTH KOREA: OH, SHIT!

For two months now, scientists have been warning North Korea's resident midget dictator that the tunnel into the side of the mountain used for testing nuclear weapons was in danger of collapse.  He ignored them.  The tunnel has now collapsed, killing an estimated 200 workers and possibly leaking a radioactive cloud into the surface and atmosphere.  

The structural integrity was evidently severely damaged when Kim Jong-un conducted his sixth underground nuclear test in September; it was the largest of all tests and North Korea claimed it to be a hydrogen bomb.  

Initial reaction here is glee, but that radiation could well be on the way to the west coast of the United States.  Some observers think this disaster may be worse than Chernobyl or Fukushima in terms of radioactive danger.  

THERE'S MORE TO STEPHEN PADDOCK THAN MEETS THE EYE

As you may have learned over the last day or two, there are a lot of things that go into long range shooting.  (1) How many grains of powder in the cartridge?  What kind of powder?  In other words, what will be the explosive power behind the bullet as it comes out of the barrel of the gun?  (2) How much does the bullet weigh, and what is its shape and metallic composition?  How much friction will it produce in the air, how fast will it slow down?  What are the aerodynamic characteristics of the bullet?  (3) What will be the effect of gravity on the path of the bullet over 100 feet, 100 yards, 200 yards, etc.?  (4) How fast is the wind blowing, and from what direction?  What effect will that have on the path of the bullet over similar distances?  (5) What is the relative humidity and how will the moisture content in the air affect the friction on the bullet?  (6) What is the movement of the target, how fast and what direction?  (7) What is the angle of the shot from level ground and how will that affect the above calculations?  

These things all change according to the type and manufacture of the weapon being used.   

I've heard it said that Paddock was a novice shooter with little or no military training.  Frankly, novice shooters don't know spit about the above considerations or how to make the appropriate calculations, let alone how to employ them in actual shooting conditions.  Someone told Paddock about all of these things.  Someone trained Paddock on how to make the calculations and that the barrel of rapidly fired automatic weapons would quickly get too hot to touch.  Someone had to put him through the paces of moving from one gun to another with smooth rapidity.  He had to have someone to talk with about the logistics of getting the weapons and ammo into the hotel suite.  He had to have some knowledge and experience in setting up a video surveillance system. 

Steve Paddock did not work alone. 

ORIGIN OF MODERN DAY JOURNALISM

An enormous species, the Uromys vika, has been discovered in the Solomon Islands.  It lives in trees and is able to open coconuts with its teeth.  

Scientists believe that this heretofore unknown species may be the forerunner of the modern day American press and media.  They have finally been able to classify the mammal as being a giant rat, otherwise referred to as vermin.  

THE NEW SUPERBUG: PAYBACK IS COMING

For decades now, Americans have been avid customers of doctors and pharmacies, soaking up, everything from so-called "designer drugs" to antibiotics for simple low-level colds.  For everything that crops up, there's a drug to treat it.  We even have drugs to treat side effects from drugs. 

Some have been warning for years that bugs are capable of mutating or transforming themselves into drug-resistant strains.  Now, the payback is looming.  A Department of Defense document discloses  that bacteria which cannot be killed by existing antibiotics has shown up in the United States. "Mcr-1" has now infected a woman in Florida.She hasn't traveled out of the country lately and scientists have no idea where the big came from or how it got here.  

What they do know is that it is potentially deadly and there is no known preventative or treatment.  Our resistance to the bug is virtually zero due to our heavy use of prescriptions in the past.  

Keep yourselves posted.  

PUMPKINS CAUSE GLOBAL WARMING

Can you believe that headline?  It's enough to force me into the cider jug.  

Pumpkins, according to the Department of Energy’s website, contribute to global warming by decomposing into methane, a harmful greenhouse gas the federal government says is 20 times as scary as carbon dioxide.  

Jack asses also produce methane, and I think we have way too many of them in Washington. 

HAVE YOU PAID YOUR ANNUAL COW FART TAX?

Now, you may think this is an April Fool's joke, but it is not.  The EPA started working well over five years ago on the sources of global warming and concluded that one major source is methane.  Methane gas is a pollutant and contributes to global warming.  Therefore, fellow citizens, cow farts are to blame and the EPA proposes to tax you according to the number of cows that you have. 

That's a fact.  http://www.steynonline.com/6218/introducing-obamacow

They're busy right now with their "Smart Fart Tax Meters" running around from pasture to pasture measuring how much methane a cow produces by weight, by breed, by sex, by type of feed and according to the average ambient temperatures of the day.  One could image that in the immediate future they are going to use drones to fly over your property, count your cows and send you a tax bill. 

Don't think for one moment that you can escape this tax by hooking your cows up to some device to collect the methane for use in heating the barn, either; the IRS is already working on an alternative energy use tax. 

Of course, it's only a matter of time before they figure out that humans produce methane farts as well, and then they'll be after us to wear fart meters.  Just think about how much money they're going to collect out of Congress, the White House and the Supreme Court.  Now, if they'd just find a way to hook those folks up to some device to collect their methane farts, I guess we could quit standing up-wind from them, couldn't we? 

GLOBAL WARMING CAUSES PROSTITUTION

Barbara Lee and a few other wizards in Congress are putting forth the proposition, no play on words intended, that global warming causes prostitution.  They are contending that the warming causes disruption in the production of crops, thereby reducing available food and causing economic disaster that will force women onto their backs.  Now, we all know that there would be no mention of "global warming" if it wasn't for Al Gore.  

The logical conclusion to this pile of dementia is that Al Gore needs to be arrested for being a pimp.