I have just encountered one of the most unpleasant slaps in the face of reality that I think anyone could ever face.
Let me begin by rationalizing my hatred of an untenable and unlivable marriage away. In this process, I will reach an ugly truth.
She was a lovable thing, vivacious and beautiful and wealthy in more ways than one. She had a healthy sexual appetite and, all things on the surface would add up to every man's dream. But, there was something wrong with her psyche. I think she was bipolar.... manic depressive? She could switch from being so wonderful, so great.... to such a bitch.... not in the middle of a sentence, but in the middle of a word. And, "bitch" was the understatement; it was pure hell trying to cope with her and I eventually gave up. So did her prior two husbands.
I hated her. She screwed me out of a verbal commitment regarding our new house that, if honored, would have netted me about $125,000 in profit. Then, she lied under oath at the trial and that cost me about $20,000 in cash. I accused her of being Satan on the face of the earth, and that was probably another understatement.
She just died of cancer...head to toe.
So, I'm driving down the road contemplating the goodness of God when the ugly realization hits me. I could have been responsible for her death.
The rationale here is this. Most medical professionals will tell you that, when the chips are down with a patient, prayer helps. The more prayers, it seems, the more strength the patient has to fight whatever it is that's dogging him. I myself know of several instances where the patient has been given a limited amount of time to live and he / she has beaten the odds.... But, a large number of people were actually praying for the recovery and the strength to make it happen.
Now, then, if positive prayers will give strength to the injured and sick, will negative prayers and thoughts have the opposite effect? There was a guy in Vegas who was an accountant for a casino and he was a total asshole. Everyone hated his guts. He was riding his Harley down a Utah highway one day and ran smack into the radiator of a Mack Truck. Did everyone's hatred and negative thoughts about him actually lead to his death?
If positive prayer can heal, can negative prayer hurt? It would seem to me that the answer is logical. If the power of prayer can do one thing, cannot it do the opposite? Maybe therein lies the lesson that we need to learn to forgive people of their trespasses against us.
You know, she was possessed by mental and physical demons beyond my ability to control. Yet, the goodness in her shined out many times and many ways. Do I have the right to condemn her to death because her soul is trapped in a physical body that had problems?
With all of the hatred in the world today, where religions, politicians, ethnic groups.. you name it... where everyone builds their animosities toward each other, is there any ultimate end to all of this beside annihilation of ourselves and each other? When the last shot is fired or that last bomb goes off, who is going to be left to forgive anyone?
Well, in final retrospect, I guess that there will then be no one left to blame.
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